


Getting The Message

by MidNightStories



Series: Empty Hearts [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alpha Derek, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Dark Stiles, Drunk Stiles, F/M, Hurt Stiles, M/M, Multi, Stiles Stilinski Has ADHD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-30
Updated: 2016-02-16
Packaged: 2018-05-13 21:12:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5717299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidNightStories/pseuds/MidNightStories
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Derek could never understand how Stiles feels and Stiles knows it. He would never understand how it is to be human, to be living with the anxiety of never being good enough. To live with the guilt of just breathing while everyone else is going through the motions. Derek would never understand how it feels to have a mere bat as a source of strength. Or how it feels knowing no matter how strong you think you are, with one little push, you start crumbling away. Derek would never understand and Stiles knows it.</p><p>So why is he still trying to explain?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Someone Like You

"You're not going."

"I don't remember asking for your permission."

"You. Are. Not. Going. That's final, you will stay here, and wait for us. But, you will not be going anywhere." Derek said in a less than amused face. He hated it when the younger boy got too big for his bridges. 'Sides, what did he think he would accomplish?

"You aren't my dad." Stiles replied, recycling the overused rebuttal for what seemed to be the millionth time. Derek had a habit of ordering him around and Stiles hated it. Almost as much as he hated the stupid werewolf himself.

"Stiles. I don't care what ever crazy idea you have in your head that leads you to think you will be helping, but you won't. You will only be getting in the way. I can't go out there with your life to worry about." Derek said more sternly this time, in hopes the hazel-eyed boy would get that this was non-negotiable. 

"Then don't worry about me." Stiles stated simply.

Derek sighed as well as everyone else in the room.

"He has a point." Scott finally decided to speak up, breaking the one on one conversation between the two.

"You too? So what? I'm good enough to make all the fucking plans, but not good enough to see them all fall through?" Stiles asked, getting more than aggravated with the lack of support from his supposed "best friend".

"What? No. I just mean I don't want you to get hurt. I can't be there to protect you through it all, and neither can Derek. Too risky." Scott explained, hoping his friend would understand.

"Why do you all think I need to be protected?! I'm not fucking weak!" Stiles was now yelling, in both bafflement at their lack of faith, and slight anger since deep within, he knew they were right. He couldn't do what they could. If he got in trouble, that would be it. No werewolf healing, no advanced body reflexes, no nothing. One strike and he was out. He understood that, but that didn't mean he liked it. Standing behind, being useless, was not a feeling the boy was fond of.

"I never said that! I just want you to understand that it's dangerous for someone like you!" Scott shouted, unaware on how his best friend would interpret it.

"Someone like me?" Stiles echoed.

"Not that I'm not enjoying this little show, but could little princess over there finish up with the lay out? I don't have all day." Peter interrupted, receiving glares from both Scott and Derek. Stiles was too busy replaying Scott's comment to lash out on the princess comment, which even Peter knew he would have on any other day.

"Screw off all of you. Make your own plans. Come up with your own fucking ideas." Stiles spat, getting up to get his backpack near the couch. They, being Peter, Scott and Derek, had been planning on how to save Boyd and Erica from the vault for the second day. Well, at least Stiles has been trying. Stiles felt like everyone else was just waiting for him to come up with some brilliant, fool proof plan that guaranteed everyone's safety, while they did nothing. And they had the nerve to tell him he couldn't join in? Stiles was livid.

"Don't do that Stiles. Wait a minute. What about Boyd and Erica? You're willing to put their lives at risk just because of some little ego problems of yours?" Derek spat, now getting agitated, taking on his role as alpha. Two of his betas were out there and he'd be damned if he let them just because of some stupid teenager's idea of rebellion. 

"Why would you even listen to any ideas from someone like me?" Stiles said, looking directly at Scott as the twisted words fell out of his mouth.

"Stiles, I didn't mean it like that. All I meant w-"

"Was what Scott? Someone weak like me?" Stiles finished. Derek was now full blown aware that Stiles was not going to cooperate to his full capabilities and he didn't want someone like that near him. Someone who could be driven by emotions so easily to even abandon fellow members. Derek was disgusted, something he never thought of saying about Stiles.

"If you want to leave. Fine. But don't bother coming back. Ever." 

The room grew silent. Peter was even at a loss of words at how cold his nephew's voice sounded. Which spoke volumes considering Peter always had some comment to say.

"What?" Stiles asked in a shaky, small tone. He hadn't expected the older man to say something so... permanent. 

"Someone who lets their emotions control their whole being, and who disregards the lives of others in a time of need, especially the lives of pack, aren't needed."

"Are you kicking me out of the pack?" Stiles croaked.

"Are you planning on leaving?"

"Are you letting me go with you guys to save them?" He managed to ask, despite his voice's pleads not to.

"No."

Stiles didn't know what to do. Staying meant being needed only out of convenience, only out of lack of better strategists. Staying meant being around everyone who was ten billion times stronger than what he could ever achieve. That would be a constant reminder of just how useless he was in the grand scheme of things. There would be no reason for him to stay anyways. Staying meant he was needed, and that clearly wasn't the case. He was far from needed or even wanted. Staying meant being controlled by Derek. Staying meant accepting he was not needed anywhere else.

Staying meant being weak. 

But leaving? If he left, what would he have? Who would he have? He couldn't just leave. 

"I'll stay." He whispered in a broken voice. 

Derek only nodded and waited for Stiles to put his bag down and continue on discussing the plan. 

Stiles did just that. Not once looking at anyone's face or addressing anyone individually. He couldn't do it anymore. He learned of his role in the pack now. He would only speak when instructing and he wouldn't ask anything not relevant to the plan. He was only there for that purpose anyways. Knowing now how much he meant to the pack was a little levitating. He knew how easy Derek was willing to let him leave. How easy it was for Scott to stand for it, and how easy it was for Peter to watch it all go down. He had thought before that he was actually important to someone. That he was actually useful.

He would never make that mistake again.


	2. What Did You Do?

Stiles felt... numb. 

Yeah, that's what he would call it. He didn't feel angry at Derek for threatening to take him out of pack. He didn't feel upset at Scott's comment about "someone like you". He didn't even feel annoyed by Peter's comments anymore. He just didn't feel anything. Except tired, Stiles was definitely tired. But he realized he had always been tired. Although before it had just been in body, now it was in both his mind and body. He was being pushed to his limits by the rest of the pack to come up with better plans. For it was now seven days since Boyd and Erica were in the vault, and no matter what Stiles suggested, they always wanted safer, quicker, easier... better. 

Stiles couldn't help but thinking they wanted someone better all together. Something he couldn't be. 

The first time they started to take apart his plans was because of Derek. 

"So Derek and Peter would be entering through the roof, there is a vent somewhere near there and it leads straight into the vault." Stiles had tried to explain. 

"No." The alpha spoke, seeing a problem Stiles couldn't.

"Why not?" Stiles asked, not once lifting his head from the floor plan of the whole bank. 

"Too much noise, too much time. We'd get caught before anyone could say I hear them." Stiles gritted his teeth. 

He felt beyond stupid at having not caught the flaw himself, which was something he was always best in. 'How about going through the front door' Stiles thought to himself sarcastically. 

"It's been 5 days Stiles and we have nothing. Are you even trying?" Derek spat, getting angry at the lack of results from Stiles, but mostly himself. He was more responsible for Erica and Boyd then everyone else in the room, and he had nothing. 

"I'm sorry." Stiles answered. It was not in a sarcastic tone, it wasn't in a tone that Stiles had even heard himself use before. He didn't even know what exactly he was sorry for. For being useless? For being here where he was unwanted? Unneeded? Was he sorry for not being able to save the two betas in time? He thought about it carefully as silence covered every visible inch in the loft. He took a deep breath as an answer formed. He knew what he was sorry for. He was sorry for being weak. For being Stiles. Stiles was trying, he was fucking trying, but it meant nothing. Hell, Derek didn't even think he was trying. What was the point anymore? The feeling of tiredness washed over himself once again. 

"I'm sorry for everything." Stiles caved. 

Before any of the pack members had a chance to tear up another plan, or another inch of Stiles himself, his phone rang. Stiles answered and was relieved to hear his dad's voice on the other end. 

"Stiles, I'm working late today. So make sure to lock the doors or just sleep over at Scott's if you want." Stiles blanked. Why did he think the sheriff would be eating dinner with him tonight? 

"Okay, I'll lock up." Stiles answered simply. He didn't want to stay at Scott's house anymore. He didn't feel comfortable around the teenage werewolf anymore. 

"Stiles, what's wrong? You sound a bit strange..." The sheriff pried. 

"I'm fine." Stiles answered. 

"Alright, the full moon isn't until Thursday son. Don't act so strange." John joked, then saying a quick apology as to how his job needs him. As if Stiles didn't. 

He hung up and glanced around the room. He knew what was going on now. "They're keeping them in the vault for the full moon." 

*** 

That had been two days ago. The day that Stiles understood why they were being trapped and the time they had set to act before anything fatal actually occurred. Stiles, after sleeping for 15 hours since he didn't go to school, didn't feel as tired as he had before, since the teenage boy go used to sleeping for about 3 or 4 hours before waking up from one thing or another. 

"You can enter through the walls." 

The silence was all he needed in order to continue the layout. After he explained all the little details, he didn't look up from the floor plans, but he waited for someone to say not good enough, or point out a flaw of sorts. But it didn't come. 

"I'm on board with this." Derek said, nodding his head at how the teenager had thought of things he himself could never. Stiles had thought about all possible outcomes and had an alternative for everyone of them. 

"Me too." Scott said. Peter just said a quick sure and the three began planning on timing, but basically just went over the details on who and what again. Stiles began packing up his stuff. 

"This has to be done before Thursday." It was already Monday, leaving them about two days to make the plan fall through. 

"Where are you going?" Scott asked. 

"Home." 

"What if we need you for anything?"

"You won't. You have the plans, I'm done for the day. Any specific questions can go to Derek since he knows the full plan and probably knows. Good luck on finding and saving Boyd and Erica. When they are saved, text me or something." 

Stiles left without another word. 

*** 

The plan did fall through, with the exception of Allison getting involved a bit, but other than that, everyone was safe. Erica and Boyd were in rough conditions due to them being trapped for a long period of time, but with help from Derek, Scott and Peter, they regained control. Derek sent a text to Stiles when the tired pack arrived at the loft. It was now Friday, considering they had to chain Erica and Boyd up for the full moon on Thursday. The boy should be awake, Derek thought to himself. It was only 9 o' clock at night. 

"They are okay. Meet us at the loft now. Pack meeting." Was what the alpha's simple text read. 

Stiles appeared 20 minutes later, looking... tired, Derek guessed. He hadn't seen or heard from the boy since Monday. 

"Hi Erica, hi Boyd, glad you're safe." Stiles smiled, and he was being truthful. He didn't know how he would handle if they, or anyone else here would get hurt. 

"You look like shit." Erica joked. Walking over and giving him a hug, Derek had told the betas that Stiles was basically the whole reason they were alive. 

"Did you get... thinner?" Erica asked, feeling a bit out of sorts around the smaller boy then she remembered. 

Stiles laughed in a small muffled sound. "You must of forgotten my frail self." He smiled and Erica returned it. 

He reached for a handshake for Boyd, who ignored it and just enveloped the frail boy in a hug. 

"Thank you for everything." He said, his grip getting tighter. He owed Stiles for not only his life, but Erica's as well. 

"No problem dude. Pack is pack." Stiles smiled, hugging the taller and buffer than he remembered man. 

"Now that the welcome party is over, I think we should keep an eye out in case anything suspicious occurs. Erica and Boyd are staying here, Stiles, you will stay with Scott." Derek instructed.

"No."

"No?" 

"Nothing bad will happen to me, no one will be looking for me. I will be fine at home. Don't make me do this."

"Stiles, why can't you stay at my house?" Scott asked, feeling a bit hurt, as well as worried since Stiles had been at home all day since Monday.

Stiles ignored the question.

"Stiles, we've already had this conversation. You can't be alone." Derek reminded, ready to silence any rebuttal that came out of the brown haired boy. 

It never came though.

"You're right. I'm sorry." Was all Stiles said before packing up his stuff. He didn't look up at Scott, but muttered that he was ready and they could leave.

The two left, leaving the four werewolves in the room.

"What did you do Derek?" Boyd asked, surprising the alpha and his partner.

"What?" 

"Stiles was never like... that." He explained.

"Like what?"

"Quiet? Jesus, you didn't notice?" Boyd asked, taking a slight tone of anger at his alpha's ignorance. "I noticed something was... off. But I didn't do anything... at least, I don't think it was anything... I mean..." "Derek, what the fuck are you talking about?!" Erica asked, now as angry as her partner. "I may have threatened to kick him out of pack."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to not let Cora Hale be an addition to this story. It would take away the focus from the main point. So I apologize to all Cora fans, but she will not be a character at the moment. I'm not sure if I could throw her in towards the end or halfway through, but for now, she will not be discussed. Leave kudos and comments? :)


	3. Strangers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles isn't who Scott remembers and Stiles finds someone who doesn't want to be found.

The two each went on their separate means of transportation. Stiles in his jeep, and Scott on his motorbike.

Stiles had no complaints.

He did not want to be anywhere near Scott, which was the first since what, second grade? And even then, it was only because Scott had taken his juice box. Specifically his favorite juice box. But in the end, he was forced to stay at Scott's that weekend since his dad had a meeting out of town. Ms. McCall made sandwiches and Stiles immediately forgot he was mad. And here they are now, nine years later, and Stiles has never felt so... disappointed. The sad part was, he didn't even feel disappointed in Scott. He was disappointed in himself. And seeing Scott would bury him further underground. He laughed at that as he turned to Scott's driveway.

Sandwiches couldn't fix this. 

He got out of the car anyways, only due to the fact that he was to follow Derek's orders or risk getting kicked out of the only thing that meant something in his life. Besides his dad, who by the way is still on the night shift, or as Stiles had began to call it, the life shift. It's been days since he last saw the man, and Stiles was growing lonely from not seeing his dad. He didn't even care if he had to lure him out with a greasy burger, he just wanted one dinner. One night where there wasn't a call more important to deal with. Where there wasn't a case that was a first priority. Where there wasn't a night where someone needed him, because Stiles, his son, needed him more. A night where Stiles would be the only thing that mattered, where Stiles was important.

But then he remembered Derek, and that night.

Stiles sighed. He unlocked the door and jumped out of his faded blue jeep, taking with him his backpack that he had filled with a pair of pjs, clothes for tomorrow and his laptop which was accompanied with his chargers for both his cellphone and laptop. He had to stop by at his house first, so he wasn't surprised that Scott's motorbike was already in its spot. Stiles sighed once more. All he had to do now was make it through the night and he could talk to Derek tomorrow about another set up because staying at Scott's till things "blow over" wasn't appealing. 

He knocked on the door about 3 times before Ms. McCall, to Stiles content, opened it.

"Hey Stiles! It's been a while since I saw you. Come in." She smiled, side hugging the boy as he stepped in.

"How's the dad?"

"Good, how are you? Work going good?"

"Too well actually, I have a shift tonight, I should be leaving right about now." She informed, taking a quick glance at her watch. This was the first time Stiles took a hold of her appearance and realized that she was in fact wearing her work clothes. "I left lasagna in the fridge, so no eating junk food and staying up all night, it was nice seeing you again Stiles, come by more often. The house is too quiet without you." 

Stiles only smiled at that and nodded as she left. Maybe silence isn't such a bad thing?

Scott as if on cue, came down stairs with a half smile, not knowing how to approach his best friend who seemed distressed as of late.

"Hey Stiles."

"Hey Scott."

"So what do you want to do? Play some video games, then eat. Eat, then play video games. Or eat while playing video games?" Scott asked, his goofy grin still attached.

"I'm not really hungry." Was what Stiles answered.

Scott's smile faltered.

Stiles had gotten thinner, and he had known that before Erica pointed it out. It didn't take a genius to figure it out, (thankfully since a genius was something Scott was not). There was something wrong, something that must have been going on before that whole spat. Granted that the confrontation between Stiles and Derek may have been the thing to snap what ever Stiles had, but there had to be something that happened before because Stiles doesn't break that easily.

Well, now that Scott thinks about it, Stiles doesn't break at all.

"What's wrong buddy? And don't tell me nothing cause I know that's bull. I want to help you Stiles." Scott stated, feeling a little nervous at how Stiles would react.

"I'm fine." Lie. Scott knew it was a lie. He didn't even need to use any werewolf powers. He knew his best friend more than anyone in the world.

"Stiles, seriously, if it's about that whole Derek thing..." Stiles' head went up at that. So that's what he called it? The whole "Derek thing" as if Derek was the only one in the room. Scott didn't even think of himself as part of the equation? Stiles clicked his tongue. He knew coming here was a bad idea.

"If it's about that, everything is better now. The only reason Derek even acted like that was because he was on edge. We were all on edge. Erica and Boyd were in some serious shit and none of us could do anything. Except you. So he took out his anger at not being able to do anything himself, on you. I bet the ultimatum was only to get you to focus. You could never be kicked out of pack. You are and will always be pack."

Stiles could almost cry... at all the bullshit coming out of Scott's mouth. It would have been more believable if Stiles didn't know Derek. It would have been more soothing if Stiles had not heard Derek say, straight to his face, that he, Stiles Stilinski, wasn't and would never be pack. Hell, it would have been a little bit heart warming if Stiles didn't remember all the useless conflicts of him trying to help, but being shut down because he would only be a distraction. But Stiles did, so it made every sentence that fell out of Scott's mouth that much worse and painful to hear. Because Stiles knew it wasn't true. 

Derek would gladly let Stiles walk out.

"I'm fine. I understand. Let's just go play video games, okay?" Stiles requested, trying to derail the conversation from heading where he would regret something. But Scott wouldn't let him avoid it so easily.

"Stiles, I'm your best friend. I know that you're lying. You don't have to lie. We've known each other for what, 9 years? In all those years, I've never seen you get this... bad. Talk to me. I'm trying here."

'You're trying too hard' Stiles thought to himself. Scott wanted to fix anything and anyone he came across. That was one of his greatest qualities. But Scott was naive in Stiles' opinion. There were just some things you couldn't fix. There were somethings too damaged, too broken to even imagine putting it back together. Stiles was one of them. Stiles could not be fixed. In fact, he has been broken too many times to even know where the pieces laid. But Stiles made a promise to himself that Derek wouldn't be allowed to break him. At least not again.

He wouldn't be the weak little boy that he was when his mom died.

He wouldn't be the unstable teenager who got panic attacks from just living.

And he would not be the deranged human who thought he made a difference in a werewolf's life.

He learned his role and his place. So why was Scott still trying? 

"Can you just drop it? I'm only here on Derek's orders, but I will gladly leave if you don't stop badgering me with useless questions when I've already said I am fine." Stiles struck, getting a bit angry that Scott couldn't just leave him be.

"Stiles, I'm just trying to help."

"Then just quit it! I don't need help! I am fine. How many times do I have to say it before you listen huh?"

"Do you seriously believe you're fine? "Fine" is not starving yourself. Fine is not barely making eye contact with anyone. Fine is not being silent every single fucking time we are done with a meeting. You are a lot of things Stiles, but fine is not one of them."

"Oh, you are so right Scott! Someone like me is not fucking fine! Is that what you wanna hear? That I hate everyone, including myself!? Huh? Tell me Scott! What the hell do you want me to say? That I know I am not strong? That I know I am not fucking pack? That I'm insane! Cause there you have it!" Stiles was out of breath from screaming to loudly, it also didn't help that this was the most he has spoken at one time in weeks. 

Scott took a step back, letting all that Stiles just said seep through. Stiles hated him?

Stiles knew what Scott would say next. Something about everything he had just said being a lie, or that he was strong. Or some lies similar. So Stiles did what Stiles does best.

Run.

He ran out of the house, keys in tact as quickly as he could while Scott was in a state of shock still, leaving him ample amount of time before Scott's werewolf skills took over.

Stiles was in the car just one second before Scott was on the opposite side of the driver's side window. He began rapidly asking Stiles to open the door and that he was sorry. But it all fell on deaf ears. He did not want to hear from Scott anymore. He didn't want to hear from anyone anymore. With a twist of his keys, Stiles pulled out of his parking space and pretended he didn't hear Scott's motorbike taking its start as well. 

So Stiles drove fast. And with a couple of turns and reverses, Stiles didn't hear the annoying sound anymore.

But now what?

He couldn't go home. Scott would be there. 

He couldn't go to Derek's cause... well... Derek would be there.

And that was it. Those were the only two places he had ever known. Those were the two places he usually ran to. Now, he had no one. Now, Stiles had nothing.  
***

After driving about 50 miles to God knows where, Stiles began to feel something a bit foreign to him now a days. 

Hunger.

It made sense since he had not eaten in... 3 days. Stiles almost flinched at how bad that sounded, and the awkward pain in his stomach wasn't helping. So he pulled up at what ever diner it was called. He just needed food. Preferably curly fries and a burger. As he got out of his jeep, he began realizing how late it actually was. How long was he driving for? He took his phone from his pocket and ignored all the missed calls and messages, as well as voice-mails and looked directly at the time.

2 3 : 0 7 P . M 

He would need to be back home in the morning, or sometime later before Scott tried to include his father in all of this bullshit. Hell, for all Stiles knew, Scott had already called his dad and had the whole police force looking for him. Stiles almost laughed out loud at his own joke. He wasn't that important and it would probably take his dad a week or so to figure out if Stiles was gone. 

Stiles ignored the all too true thought and pulled the door, releasing a little jingle at his arrival. It looked like any other diner and Stiles stood for a moment, taking in its simplicity and the warm feeling he got just by being there. It wasn't a full house, in fact, there was only one couple in the near corner.

He decided to take a seat on a stool at the front counter. A young woman with orange hair came up to him with a notepad and pencil across the counter.

"What would you like to drink sweety?" She asked, smiling and handing him a menu

Stiles glanced quickly and found, to his heart's content, they did serve curly fries. 

"A coke, and can I get a cheese burger and a large curly fries?" 

"Sure can do, I'll be back with your drink, but the food should only take a couple minutes."

Stiles tried to give her a smile, but it sort of felt uncomfortable from lack of use. 

'Well, at least I tried' he thought.

The lady, who Stiles now knew was called Lily due to her name tag, came back a minute later with a coke in hand, laying it on the counter with a smile. Stiles tried once more, but gave up the futile fight, settling for a sideways smirk, at least, that's what he hoped he was doing. He took a couple sips before he realized his phone was buzzing. 

He once again removed his phone and looked at it until the buzzing stopped. Then he stared at it in confusion as the one thing he never imagined popped up. On his screen, in what ever font it was, read:

O N E M I S S E D C A L L : S O U R W O L F ( 2 3 : 1 2 P . M )

He used to laugh at just reading the name when typing texts to the older man because Stiles and Derek never called each other. Texts only was sort of like an unspoken rule between the two. Unless Stiles wanted to talk about something stupid and even then, Derek wouldn't pick up. He'd just send a text asking what the fuck was wrong with the teenager. But Stiles didn't laugh, nor did he try to unlock his phone to return the call with a call or text. He just stared at the notification before turning off his phone.

The food arrived about five minutes after that, and Stiles said a small thanks and began stuffing his face with God's gift to man kind which was curly fries. 

He had been eating in silence, excluding the radio they had playing, when the familiar jingle took its place. The boy, Stiles assumed it was a boy, he couldn't really tell due to the scarf around his neck, covering his neck and half of his face, walked in and sat in a stool a couple chairs down. Stiles decided to just focus on his cheeseburger, not wanting to stare any longer than he already had. 

"Honey, you're back here again? I thought I told you to go home." Lily said in a low, sad tone, well, that's what it seemed to Stiles.

He had planned to finish his meal quickly and leave. He really did. Until he heard the stranger speak.

"Have no home to go to."

Stiles immediately dropped his hamburger on his plate, making a strangled noise of surprise.

"Isaac?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little drift between friends to spice things up. Hahaa, I'm evil, but leave comments and kudos ? :D Also, Isaac and Peter will be involved romantically in this story, but I was thinking of giving them their own story as sort of a second book to this series? Let me know how that sounds :)


	4. Victim Number Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where there is destruction, there is Derek

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so the reason this update took so long was because I had written it all, but didn't end up actually liking it. So I rewrote it. Sorry for the wait. :) 
> 
> P.s more than 120 hits and 12 kudos? I did not expect even one kudo. And a big hug to those who comment! You make this worth it!

Derek _ca_ _used_ pain.

He was not oblivious to it like some thought. But if ever asked, Derek was confident that he would simply ignore the heavy words, and try to step out of the guiltiness he had buried himself in. Because that's what being Derek Hale meant. It meant knowing that you only cause destruction while breathing, being completely well aware that pain was your only way of communicating, connecting with the human kind. Which was ironic considering human is something he never was, and could never be.

 He had given up trying long ago.

You see, pain was almost inevitable when breathing around Derek. It wasn't something he was particularly overjoyed about, but it remained embedded in his mind. He knew that everyone he ever loved, everyone he had ever cared for, would eventually get hurt. One way or another, they _always_ get hurt. He guessed that he should not have been surprised when Boyd and Erica got captured, because that's what happens when you  _know_ Derek. 

He also guessed he should not have been the slightest bit of alarmed when Boyd and Erica _chose_ to leave to a motel once he had explained the awful confrontation that occurred with Stiles that night. Because he would have left too. Hell, Derek _tried_ to leave multiple times, but being Derek also meant being weak. Too weak to go through with it, too weak to look himself in the mirror and see the monster he had become. Or always was.

Derek knew he had been born a monster whose only purpose was to cause pain and destruction in this world.

His first victim was proof of this. His own mother, Talia Hale.

She had went into labor, not knowing that she was bringing the Devil himself into the world. Derek knew that had she known, she would have terminated the pregnancy, something any sane person would do when given the choice. But she believed that she was going to have a beautiful, perfect little boy and spend the rest of her life protecting her little cub.

But Derek, small, and barely able to keep his head from lolling in all different directions, had already began his destruction.

Talia died a minute after he was born. The only tears and screaming in the room came from his father and older sister, Lara. Derek of course was born without any tears or screams. 

16 years later and Derek had managed to live in peace. Well, as much peace as one who killed their mother could have. He tried not to think of himself as a murderer, but what else do you refer to _that_ incident as? The looks his father gave him from time to time did not do anything to abate his depressing thoughts. Guess looking back at it now, Derek understood why the man may have felt a bit... uncomfortable around him. Derek had tried to talk about it, but his father acted negligent and promised that love were the only thing in his eyes. Derek always knew that was a lie.

 _'_ _Must run in the family'_ he thought.

But those 16 years were peaceful. Until he met his second victim.

Paige Heart.

Derek had seen Paige as pure snow. Something should only be seen because let's face it, Derek's touch was filthy. He hadn't expected her to reciprocate his feelings anyways, so he took enjoyment from just listening to her play her cello during lunch, or occasionally ditched basketball practice a few minutes to head to the music room where she un-relentlessly showed up daily. It was beautiful. She _was_ beautiful.   

Derek ignored his Uncle Peter who always chided him for seemingly falling for a _human_.

"Little boy, what human in their right mind do you think is going to stay with you once they figured out that you're not one of them?"

"I... I don't expect her to like me. And I haven't even talked to her okay?" Derek, till this day, hates how Peter always had something negative to say. But in Peter's defense, Derek did kill his sister. His beloved sister, whom without, he know had no one. Her husband was never his biggest fan and Lara had long since affirmed how much she actually didn't like him. Derek had destroyed the only thing Peter had on this Earth to love.

That was something Derek was notorious for.

But through some twisted fate, the two teens fell in love. At least, that's what Derek believed. He had doubts whether Paige actually loved him, because Peter had repeated to him on multiple occasions that no, Derek Hale did not deserve love. 

The picture perfect dream had to end though. Derek knew he would only hurt her, so he tried to pull away before the inevitable happened. But it was too late. Paige had planned to stay after school like normal, like she had always did. But she didn't know about the dangers of being with Derek, she didn't know of who Derek was,  _what_ he was. Nothing about that night was normal, Derek himself wasn't normal. So as he saw the love of his life fall down to her knees, chest bleeding out from where the claws of someone like him dug in too deep, Derek realized he could never love anyone again.

Paige died before he could even say he was sorry.

Sorry that she had known Derek, sorry that she had fallen for a monster she did not know, sorry for loving her because his love was what killed her. He might as well have used his claws to tear her apart on the outside, like he would have done to her on the inside. 

Derek promised himself then that he would never let someone get hurt cause of him, that he would never put himself in such... vulnerability.

Until he met Kate.

He'd love to blame the whole incident on her, claim that he had no liability and was not responsible for all the events on that night. But Derek was not blind. He knew that there was something wrong with Kate the moment he met her. He just chose to ignore it because despite what his family, specifically Peter (Lara had not spoken to him since Paige) Kate offered something he never thought he'd have, excitement. He never loved her, for Paige's face was too close to the word, creating a strain in his voice at any attempt at letting it go. But he could not deny she gave him a forbidden thrill that was foreign to him. So he stayed. That was why it was his fault. It was actually all his fault in all honesty. Had he left like Peter warned, had he forgotten the need for a human like he promised, his family would still be here.

But where there is destruction, there is Derek.

So he always considered the Hale family (He had long since realized the only connection he shared with them was his last name) as his third victim.

The screams were still alive, despite the sources themselves being nothing but ash. The nightmares were still as livid as they were the day of the fire. Countless times has he woken up, shouting for Lara, his father, anyone, as if it was just a bad dream and they would come to his bedside, ruffle his hair, and call him silly for having such drastic thoughts. But his crave was never fulfilled.

Derek guess that was when he had fully given up on silly things like hope, trust, apologies. Himself.

So that was why he was left completely amazed at how many times he could hurt someone.

Boyd and Erica were undoubtedly his fourth victims.

They had walked into his life, with each their fair share of problems which Derek promised would be gone. And what did he do? Caused them enough physical and mental trauma to make someone go insane. The two both still had not even told Derek about what exactly happened _in_ the vault, but he felt that if it was as bad as he thought it, then it was best he didn't know. But they still stayed. Technically. They were in a motel a couple miles away, and left behind only a silence and an empty promise to return tomorrow morning. Derek thought it best if they didn't return. He couldn't protect anyone. He was done this time.

This time would be the last time he allowed someone to get hurt.

His thoughts were left astray as his phone vibrated on the coffee table. 

Someone was calling him? He took a glance and read with a confused face:

S C O T T

"Why are you calling me at nearly midnight?"

"Derek! I don't know what happened, okay? It was all fine one second. I just- and then he said- I don't know what happened. I swear it was fine one secon-"

"Calm down! What the hell are you talking about?!" Derek was on his feet in a second. He felt a twist in his stomach. He prayed that Scott was being stupid or that this was a prank call. This could not be going where he thought it was.

"Stiles is gone!"

* * *

 Derek arrived at Scott in record time, so quick that the man wondered why he was not pulled over for doing a 60 in a 35 zone. He took it as luck, which was odd because Derek was never lucky.

Especially now.

"Why didn't you follow him!" Derek screamed, not caring if the neighbors heard because Stiles was the only thing that existed at the moment.

"I did!" Scott replied, pacing back and forth, praying his friend would just walk right through the door and call them dumb asses for worrying. But that was too much of a far stretch to be believable. "I tried following him, but somehow lost him in the traffic!"

"How the fuck do you _lose_ Stiles? Scott! You had one freaking job! You had to _protect_ him! I thought you his best friend would know how to do that!"

"It's not all on me okay! Don't act like you even care! What about how you have been treating him, huh?" Scott struck back.

"What the hell do you mean!? Of course I fucking care!" Derek was livid. If one thing he knew he wanted safe in this world, it was Stiles.

"Yeah?! Then threatening him to leave the pack was your way to say how much you care about him huh?"

Derek flinched.

Of course Scott wouldn't believe him. He wouldn't believe himself either. Derek wasn't a man that could care for someone, at least not in the way Stiles deserved.

"Us arguing isn't going to get him back." Derek said in a calmer voice than before. "I'll look around town and you just... you just go to his house or something and wait to see if he shows."

"I want to help look for him Derek. You can't just-"

"Yes, I can. And I will find him. No one else will get hurt because of me." He nodded to Scott who unwillingly agreed.

Derek went back into his camaro which used to be the _only_ thing he cared about. It was ironic in a way that Derek's fifth victim was a human. It sort of reminded him of... her. The way they both had the power to lighten up a room just by being there. The way they both had this hold of Derek, specifically the hold that kept him... human. The way Stiles said with all his certainty when they were in that pool that he would never let Derek go. Or when Derek had been on the elevator floor, and Stiles chose _him_ instead of going to Scott. Even the way Stiles always found a way to make sure Derek and everyone else was safe.

The thoughts went out the window as he pulled out of the drive way and removed his phone from his pocket.

He scrolled down a bit (honestly, there was only about 9 names listed) and arrived at Stiles' number. The two never called. But he'd hoped Stiles would pick u[p and make some snide comment about how much of a sourwolf he was. Something the old man missed hearing since Stiles had not been as energetic as he used to be.

He brought the phone to his ears and let it ring. His heart constricted at the sound of the voicemail, but he decided to keep on trying. So he redialed. Only this time, it didn't go through. Derek chucked his phone into the backseat and ignored the possibility that he may have cracked it. What use was the thing if it couldn't lead him to Stiles anyway?

This was his fault. All of it. So that is why Derek knew what he had to do. After Stiles is found there's only one thing that Derek could do to make sure no one else would get hurt. Make sure he would not have another victim.

Derek would leave Beacon Hills.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will kick off where Stiles and Isaac are. This chapter needed to be added so things could fall together smoothly. Plus, I really liked writing from Derek's POV. :)


End file.
